Childrens Lie

February 20, 2008

I have noticed, and it bothers me a lot.. My children lie. They lie straight face.

I have tried to make my husband noticed it before, and he thought it is cute. Cute to have the children attempt to lie. Then last night, our child lied to him about finishing her homework at 5 PM. She lied again about going to bed at 9 PM. This bothered him so much, he hasn’t really paid much attention to the child all day.

I thought lies come up when children are afraid of punishment. We don’t punish our children though. True, we’ll make them finished homework if they haven’t, but somehow, I don’t think that’s grounds for lying to us.

I just don’t understand it. I used to lie as a child. But it has to do with trying to avoid spanking. If there’s no consequence, I never lie, unless I didn’t want my mother to spank me for wanting to go to a birthday party.

I had heard from my mother-in-law that my husband as a child is very moral and will not lie. I am skeptical. But then again, I’m just a skeptical sort.

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I am So Tired of Being Angry

February 17, 2008

I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. I just got so mad with my dirty floor, I screamed at my kids. They’re still babies. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I don’t like to be angry. It makes me ineffective as a mother, and very disorganized as a person. When I am angry, I can’t keep up with mopping floor, cleaning toilets, washing dishes, and keeping everyone’s clothes washed and folded.

I feel horrible when sometimes, I wished I married a rich man, rich enough to hire a maid so I can just enjoy my kids without being so tired from cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.

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Photo Hunt: Free

February 16, 2008

There’s nothing more free-ing than winning a game of backgammon. I have to admit, I get very angry sometimes when I lose. That’s why it’s infinitely better to play online, I don’t have to hit the winner.

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Please leave me a comment, pretty please? 🙂

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Confession

February 16, 2008

It just about broke my heart. I was a little snippy in response to my baby being whiny. On my way to dropping him to his class, I demanded he stopped whining in a very angry voice.

Right before getting out of the car, he took a deep breath, and he said to himself, “I’m going to be happy now.” He wiped his eyes and went to his class.

My heart bleed. I think he’s too young to feel that way. I worry. Worry that he’ll remember this forever, and then his wife is going to walk all over him if she acts like me. Didn’t they say that children often marry their parents?

I have resolved myself to go through several books reading about anger management. I get so frustrated, I just want to take any one’s hide and strip it. I don’t admire that about myself at all.

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At Odds

February 10, 2008

These last few days, my husband and I feel like we’re at odds. I can’t quite point it, but it’s like I can feel this subliminal message he’s broadcasting. He’s not so happy with me. I might just be reading him wrong, but there it is.

I was actually annoyed with him on Thursday because he choose to exclude himself from a group activity we both signed on. I also wanted him to have fun, but he was so critical. He had so many complaints about the class. He dragged his feet so much, we were late 20 minutes to a one-hour class.

I have a happy marriage. It’s a long one. Sometimes, I feel that we have only this happy marriage because I bit my tongue. A lot! When I am mad at him for something, it will take me days and days to say anything. Underneath it all, I am always hoping that it will just go away. Most of the time it does.

However, I have noticed lately this feeling I have. When we’re at odds like this, not because we quarrel, but just because of a feeling…I have this urge to run. I just want to be away from him for a while. Not even because I want to be with somebody else. I just don’t want to be around him.