I can feel myself getting angrier by the second. I don’t like angry people. When my husband is angry, I do not like to be around him. When he’s loud angry, I especially wanted to be anywhere but near him.
I can only imagine that when I am ranting, screaming mad, and sarcastic, ridiculing angry person, I wouldn’t want to be around me. It creeps on my so suddenly, I just want to bite people’s head off. I say mean things when I am angry.
I do not like the angry me. I want to be away from the angry me. I have made a deal with myself that when I am angry, I will just go to my quiet corner and give myself a time-out.
So, the floor is dirty again. So, the dining room table is messy again. The clothes are scattered all over the floor, again. I know it hasn’t been 24 hours when everything is nice and neat, and here it is, being strewn anew with stuff.
I can feel my blood boiling, and I hope that next time, I can just bite my tongue instead of saying angry words, which are not very effective anyway when it comes to getting my way. It seems like the louder I scream, the less my children hear me. Sometimes, I blame their messiness on my mother-in-law. He house is not dirty, but she does not pick up after herself.
Going into her house is like going into a garage sale after it is done and only unwanted things in a mess is left behind. She has nice big house with expensive things, but it looks cheap when you look at it because nothing is in its place. Nothing.
I was brought up differently. My house was always neat and orderly. My children have other plans. I just need to make them understand that being disorderly with things is not how I want to live. How can anyone be productive in a messy house like that?
I don’t know why I am so angry. I think it’s just the messy house. But is it something else? Am I just an angry person by personality?